i'm so not living in the servitude i'd most want to live in with Master...

i know He doesnt like me being far away. i know He'd feel better if i were closer to Him. even though He is fond of saying, to which i ALSO believe that, "you can live there or here, and the amount of openness or closedness would be up to me."

refering to the fact that even though i'm so far away, i could just as easily be closed off as i am here, as if i were there, and the same for being open. i could be just as open as i am here, as if i were there. its alllllllllllll a matter of will.

but there's so many things i feel in my body. not all physical, but yes, alot of physical feelings, and alot of emotional feelings that make me want to get on the first ride back to colorado. while i also feel stuck here, yet not doing anything about it.

i guess if i were so close to my parents, i'd feel the undying NEED to get the fuck outta dodge.

but i know Master does not like me here. He wants me closer.

i want to be closer. so that i can work on my stupid resistant ass cunt fuckhole servitude. to work closely with Him. to be only a few miles away. to be of service. to be broken by Him whenever He so well chooses it.

i only want Him to be the one to fill the achings and voids inside of my heart gut and cunt. He's the only one who's ever been able to do such things.

i want to be at the mercy of His single tail. of His chain flogger. of His icy hot cunt, fucking me with an ice dildo afterwards. i want the the hardest stuff of those. the electric fly swatter. i want to experience things i havent...and delve into His mindset and see all the other more miraculous things He's capable of doing to me.

i miss being tied so tight that i cant go anywhere, hwile He fucks me 7 ways to sunday!

i've been a pretty sick girl....and have not come in like a fucking week! UGHHHHHHHHHHH