GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

i'm such a horney fucking cunt!!! and as if adding the no cock for me because i'm a resistant, far away girl who is living in cyber land with her Master for the time being.......i add the complexities of an ache of being used, tortured, bound harshly, enduring for as long as He wants to let me....in the whole mix.

last september was the last time Master used me. its been too fucking long.

i'm getting excited and anxious and READY to come out there and beg Him to let me serve Him.

when i left Master for like the second time since being back here.....i met with a few different so called "doms".....i havent much time to go into any of it but......it was like playing with a toddler...it really sucked....then again, drunk, stoned, trippin, whatever i was on, still kept my perception to some degree as to what i was doing.....to these guys it was just "play" they just wanted to add a piece of young flesh to their books of use. i seriously *yawned* when being played with....completely stoned. i fucking HATE play....

i just want my Master....and i soooo wish He had like an outhouse or something that i could reside in, and live there, and have continuous, non-stop, agonizing training. i want to scream with tears, i want to beg Him to stop, i want to feel His body laying on top of mine again. i want to feel His fingers penetrate the deep inside of me. i want to feel His cock pounding my hole so hard it rips me to shreds and pokes my heart!

*salivating* *cunt so wet and achy*

*touches herself* FUCKING COMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NOOOOOO I WONT HOLD BACK! I'M NOT HOLDING BACK RIGHT NOWWWW PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE DADDY TAKE IT ALLLLLLLLLLL COMMMMMMMMMMINGGGGGGGGGGGG

.....................................................................
....................................

phew....omg how quick that wasss.........*licks her fingers* i have to say, i taste bitterly sweet after a nice shower....if i havent showered...i dont want ANYONE down there! well, i dont like anyone going down there anyways.

i'm so fucked....and still so fucking horneey...

off to a poetry/lyricists lounge! i's excited!!!!!!

i'm so not living in the servitude i'd most want to live in with Master...

i know He doesnt like me being far away. i know He'd feel better if i were closer to Him. even though He is fond of saying, to which i ALSO believe that, "you can live there or here, and the amount of openness or closedness would be up to me."

refering to the fact that even though i'm so far away, i could just as easily be closed off as i am here, as if i were there, and the same for being open. i could be just as open as i am here, as if i were there. its alllllllllllll a matter of will.

but there's so many things i feel in my body. not all physical, but yes, alot of physical feelings, and alot of emotional feelings that make me want to get on the first ride back to colorado. while i also feel stuck here, yet not doing anything about it.

i guess if i were so close to my parents, i'd feel the undying NEED to get the fuck outta dodge.

but i know Master does not like me here. He wants me closer.

i want to be closer. so that i can work on my stupid resistant ass cunt fuckhole servitude. to work closely with Him. to be only a few miles away. to be of service. to be broken by Him whenever He so well chooses it.

i only want Him to be the one to fill the achings and voids inside of my heart gut and cunt. He's the only one who's ever been able to do such things.

i want to be at the mercy of His single tail. of His chain flogger. of His icy hot cunt, fucking me with an ice dildo afterwards. i want the the hardest stuff of those. the electric fly swatter. i want to experience things i havent...and delve into His mindset and see all the other more miraculous things He's capable of doing to me.

i miss being tied so tight that i cant go anywhere, hwile He fucks me 7 ways to sunday!

i've been a pretty sick girl....and have not come in like a fucking week! UGHHHHHHHHHHH

a sweet memory....

its living in my clit right now..

i've been a sick girl what seems for a good week or more. it started out with being my mouth, then now my throat, ears, and fever...all the great stuff. Master and i's schedule conflict, and the fact we have a 2 hour time difference, my resistance, and me being sick, Him being extremely music busy....makes it hard to find each other at a good time, online to be sexually intimate right now. i'm praying for all things to just go away, and the universe align so it is different.

even through being sick, i've been laying on and off all day, with my clit pulsating, thinking of some very intimate, sexual, humiliating, intense moments with Him....

one that has been permeating throughout my mind, gut and cunt lately is a time when....

after i begged to be with Him, (when i was living closer to Him), He allowed me to come over.

the second i put the key in the door, it opened, and i came inside. He was behind me and put His arms around my throat, and He whispers "clothes off little girl". i took my clothes off...i dont rmemeber how fast or slow i was...but i felt my clit jump into my throat!

after my clothes were off, i stood in the position He wants a girl to be in. naked, exposed, eyes closed, and hands behind her back. He stood there, i hated it. i always feel uncomfortable when i know He is watching my ugly, naked body. its humiliating in a good way, but so scary vulnerable...and something i dont give to anyone......

He grabbed my hair and led me through His house, down to His cellar basement. my bare feet felt the sandy floor...it was awful. my naked body exposed to the cold, creepy air down there. i was excited just as i was scared. its humiliating when He does things to me, and when He puts His hand to my cunt, He can see how wet i have become. not something i can hide easily.

He put a remote control vibrator inside of me. put me against a wooden beam in His closet sized basement/cellar. He put my arms above my head, and tied my wrists around the beam. He then wrapped more rope around my belly and the beam. then my knee's, and then my feet. i was completely apart of this beam. i was trapped. fucked. i looked above my head, and there were fucking spider webs right by my hands. there is one small window to my left.

my 2 biggest fears....spiders and the dark. mix them together, they equal a fucking heart attack!

Master puts the remote to the vibrator in my hand, whips me a few times in the belly with the remaining rope....and says, "maybe i'll be back. i'm going for a walk"

Master turns around, walks out, turns the lights off, and shuts the floor door.

my eyes got big....the vibrator went on......FUCKKKKK.......

i was screaming through a gag, yet so close to coming. what does that say about me? to let my cunt rule? to let my comes just ooze out of me, instead of screaming for the fears i'm faced with!?!?!?!

i'm looking around...just a smidgen bit of light that is useless. the spiderwebs not visible anymore...but i know they are there....what if a fucking spider comes?

i start screaming..........then i started coming. thats all i could think about...coming....coming...coming.....coming. i couldnt stop coming.

i started panicking. "is he coming back? pleeease dont leave me here pleease? did He forget about me? did He forget He tied me up down here???"

i started screaming for mercy. crying. breaking. drooling from the gag. i was petrified. petrified in the Dominion, control of my Master. i was scared. but fucked enough to know that He probably could have gone even further, and i'd still be fucked by Him.

was i going to get bit my a spider? was a bat gonna come flying in? was a snake gonna find its way and slither towards me? what if a spider got to me, and crawled all over me, and seeped in some sort of opening in my body? what if it nested inside of me? what if more spiders came? what if more bugs found its way to me?

coming and screaming all at the same time.

i found myself thanking Him deep inside. forced to face my fears. alone...but not really alone. He was able to go about and get His exercise in. take care of things...knowing He had a comed out, scared shitless, worthless girl in His basement.


"pleeeeasee DAddy pleeease i'm sorry. so sorry pleeeeease come get me!!!"

i broke! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr dammmit!

He came down about a half hour later...not totally for sure.

i was full of tears an my whole world came back together when i saw the light of that floor door open up. He was coming to save me. claim me back. He stared at me. He wiped the tears from my eyes, liked the drool coming from my mouth. He untied me....took me upstairs.

He threw me on His bed and took my hole.

i sit here, and still feel His body. the weight of Him on top of me. telling me to wrap my legs around Daddy. to bring Him closer inside.

i am the kind that keeps her eyes closed when she is coming...but when i keep them open, and stare into His eyes...the Man who's same hands and mind who had me tied to His basement beam. left me alone, to come by myself, leaving me to the spiders and god knows what else is down in that basement, and in the dark...screaming for mercy. pushing my limits. the same Man who gets me to breaking points of feeling like ahelpless little girl who has no alternative but to cry out for help from her Daddy.......

this is love to me. this is sacred. this is why my heart is where He is. and i'm never alone. and no matter how hard i try to escape my heart....it always calls me back home. and so does He...even if He doesnt act or say anything.....i always find my way back.

i love You Master.

a humiliating confession

whenever i'm in the woods. i look at the ground filled with dry, broken leaves. rough bushes. wide, tall tree's full of bark.

i dream of being taken out into the woods. gagged and tied. not allowed to say anything. nothing said to me. naked and barefooted i am. exposed completely.

i get so wet, and butterfly's fly around my belly when i think of my bare ass being tied to the tree. my nipples tied into a little knot, with rope being tied to the tree branches. i can't squirm. i can't move at all. my neck, shoulders, belly, knees, ankles, completely tied against the tree.

i dream of Master having several different sizes of branches from the tree.

testing, each and every single one of them out. seeing which one makes me scream louder and louder. i beg Him to let me come, to take away from the pain. but i get no release. no nothing. just an outside whipping post. no care as to what i think or feel. just used for His want and His need.

i dream of begging Him to turn me around, whip my back and ass, to give my tits and stomach and cunt a break. i dream of me riding and humping the tree with my clit. so rough, and so degrading. the only pleasure i get is from rubbing my cunt against the bark wood of a tree.

i dream of hearing my sounds echo throughout the woods. no one to hear. no one to save me.

i need to come now.

i'm certainly a massochist to a degree....

but the pain in my mouth is beyond farenheits! FUCK.

i've been missing Master. He's a high, in demand Guy, and a music Genius with big schedules.

i need to keep my fucking eyes open, from the past as i've always done things with Him, and see about trying things differently.

i.e. staying closer to Him, rather than running as far away as i can, just to prove some stupid fucking point that wont add up to one iota. i need to address things, like an adult, and stay present, like an adult!

psssssst...i am sooo done with this semester!

i wonder if there is like, such a thing as end of semester whippings???? mmmmmmm

a girl can dream.

i could also beg too.

i love Him so much. i really do.

tongue'd are us...

while its still fresh,

while my tongue is still numb. while my tits still ache.

i got to see Master tonight online. i missed Him. and was so happy i came home and got to see Him. i've been aching. aching for His hand. aching to endure and hurt for Him.

after resistance, i fucking caved. i had to. the only other alternative was ignoring my clit, the obvious, to which i should know better by now....i need to start associating ignoring clit to icy hot! nooooooooo more of that pleeeeease!

He told me of a girl in the collarme chatroom that was cute in her little gagball. and indeed, it was cute. it made me envious. i want a gag ball. i miss Master using it on me. the feel of my jaw being stretched. kept wide open, yet my plea's and moans muffled. a big pile of drooling mess all around me....just like tonight : )

when i begged for His hand, He said something to the effect of "its a good thing i dont make you clip my tits and run the other chain through, to my tongue.

*sigh in a dreamy way* i had to. i had to beg for that. i might have figured to do something that on my own eventually. but..ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i wanted it. i wanted it like a hungry baby wants momma's titty for milk.

i thought if i used the regular clamps on my tits, it would be less painful there, but more painful for the clovers on my tongue. i'd tried thinking the whole process through, but all i wanted more than anything was to fucking touch my cunt and come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i made a big heaping pool of drool all over my sheets. it was soooooo hard for me to move my head too much. i'm a loud moaner, and i like to move my head and close my eyes. but everytime i moved by head, my clamped tongue pulled on my tits which also pulled on my tongue. it was sweet agony. i was laying on my tits alot, balancing myself on them and my knees while one hand did the typing, and the other was on my clit, soaking wet, hot, humiliated.

He's going to teach me. He's not going to let me go, unless i fucking run off, like i do alot. i need to stop putting that on myself too, and just let Him rub it in my face in the ways He wants to.

having the clips on my tongue....ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i found myself whimpering like a fucking puppy through the pulsations of pain on my tongue. having the clips is enough to never ever EVER want to even imagine getting my tongue pierced. Master is not into piercings, and i've been quite the rebellious one about tattoo's and piercings.
having mmy tongue clipped, made me want to keep my truths coming out. not suppressed. not hidden. it was honestly like, for once, i didnt feel shame for the things i said. they were true. and i felt so connected to Him. on such a level. it was like something i felt with Him, the times i was with Him in person. its so emotional. so deep. so sacred.

i AM a Daddys girl. i always have been! not literally, but inside. my heart. my little girl. she's wanted to cling. attatch herself to her Daddy and just watch Him. listen to Him. pay close attention. learn from Him. hump Him. suck Him. be made a woman by my Daddy.

whats soooo wrong about that??? ughhhhhhhhhhhh!

man my tongue hurts.

man am i falling harder for Him.

man...i'm fucked.

i'm feeling stress. i need a reliever.
while i feel as though my desire to feel pain is much more than deep seeded....simply put...

it makes me wet.

i'm making it a personal choice to not hurt myself, without Master's approval first. unless He says so, or knows. i want to be careful to watch that line being drawn between, doing it because it only pleases me, and doing it because i want Master to be pleased. if that makes sense.

i could just as easily, grab a knife, carve on my flesh, take a belt, and whip the anger out of me for a moments time, wear my clips until i'm biting the flesh on my arm in not being able to stand the pain anymore. i could use phone cords, or any cords, to feel the sting, and the marks, (to which i just found out about maybe 2 weeks ago.)

but this stupid slave has spent most of her time in being His slave, inflicting my own pain. under my own terms. own conditions. own anger. i want it to be His fucking turn.

i suppose part of the masochism in all this, is that i ache and yearn to feel pain, as a release, to come....but thats just it. i ache for it so much right now. its painful : ).

so, i'll endure. i'll wait. i'll stay in agony. in a sweet way.

i'm letting go. i'm giving in, to being owned.

i feel free.