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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

a night with ropes

the other night...

ughhhhh what a dream it was. i mean, it was real. but it just felt so real. special.

i'd begged Master to let me endure for Him. i had a genuine need, an ache, to serve Him. He said something to the effect of me spending the night, showing Him what a slut i was for Him and one of His ex slaves. He instructed me to put rope between my cunt, so i would not neglect, nor forget my clit. to wear the rope, to where it would make me want to come.

one of many Masters protocals, is that when in His presence, online or in person, we must ask permission to touch our clits. we must ask "Master may slave girl have Your hand please?"
i resist this so much. i guess if i were to really stop and think and disect on it....its the resistance of not letting a man have THAT much control over me, to the point i have to beg to touch myself? WTF! but i know that, that is the angry ways, and voices, of my good ole mother dearest. who is rigid, cold, hard, crass, and spiteful of men, eventhough she cant seem to want to find the will in herself to leave her pedophile of a husband.grrrrrrrrrrr! but anyways....

as i was saying, i put this rope on, my initial thought was, "wow...this is pretty constricted!" i thought it might have been Master approved. the second my hands fell to the side, after i'd put the rope around my waist, and through my cunt and ass crack, almost like in the form of a sumo wrestler, i immediately wanted to come. i walked from my bedroom to my bathroom, and couldnt stop myself from coming. it was so bittersweet. or hot, and sweetly bitter. i love the feeling of letting go. i love the feeling of my comes just seeping out of me. it makes me feel..................captured, like i'm not defective, that all my parts work. that i am owned. at the same time, it was bitter in the fact of, again, letting someone have THAT much control over me. and i know, He only has as much control as i give to Him. the adult, sane part of me, wants Him to have EVERYthing. every nook and cranny of me. til i'm left gutted, open, raw, exposed, melted into His nothingness. His worthlessness.
all the same, i spent my childhood, teenage years, being so fucking angry inside, because of my parents and them constantly trying to have this manipulating, angery, revengeful control/hold over me. i vowed i'd never ever give myself to any one. EVER....and here i am :)

after coming twice with the rope. i begged for Masters hand. it was so hot. so sweet. so humiliating to be seen as the fucking come slut that i REALLY fucking am! i suprise myself sometimes even. i was getting angry too. angry because i was scared. scared because He was seeing me. the real me. the love in me. my heart. my light.

after quite a period of time of coming, i begged to come down. after i came down, i just asked if i could fall asleep, like this, with the rope on. He granted me that priveldge.

thats exactely what i did. coming takes alot out of a girl. its nice to have the laptop too, where i dont have to getup from a computer screen if i dont want to. i can just lay here, like i did the other night, and just fall asleep right where He left me.

the sweetest part, was when i woke up the next morning, the rope was still on me, and He was online.....it was ike i stayed the night with Him.

i know it would sound stupid, silly, unsatisfying to some...but for me??? it was perfect. even after i took the rope off, i was still begging to come more.


your getting yourself into love little girl. thats what i told myself : )